Reconcile to awaken the universal self.
The scarcity mindset made us competitive, and as a result, we perceive ourselves as distinct from others, competing for jobs, wealth, and relationships. We developed an “us vs. them” approach, failing to recognize that we are all part of the same universe.
The sense of separation stems from ignorance. When we look closely, there aren't any real boundaries between the rest of the universe and ourselves. We share the air we breathe, the sunshine we get energy from, the food we eat becomes us, and we become the earth when we leave the world. Therefore, believing that we are separate from others is ignorance. I am the universe, and the universe is me. There is no “other.” The concept is profoundly explained in Indian scriptures as “Aham Brahmasmi,” which means I’m one with the universe. In other words, the source of creation is as present in me as it is in any other part of the cosmos.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the well-known Zen Buddhist monk, teaches us this truth in Chapter 7 of his book, “Reconciliation.” Nhat Hanh writes, “We have the tendency to blame our others, as if they’re separate from us. So we have to look deeply and ask, are we growing every day? Are we happier every day? Are we more in harmony with ourselves and with the others around us, the unlovable people as well as the lovable people?”
When we fail to recognize this interconnectedness, we judge others, reacting with anger or condemnation rather than empathy. We try to hurt those who have hurt us without realizing they are also suffering.
Nhat Hanh, notes:
Because we are often caught in the images of our past suffering, we easily develop wrong perceptions and react to others in a way that brings about more suffering. Suppose we’re angry with someone because we believe this person tried to make us suffer. That’s our perception. We believe the other person’s intention is to make us suffer and to make our life miserable. That perception brings about anger and the kind of actions that will lead to more suffering for all involved.
… We see that there is suffering in the other person and wrong perceptions in him. We have reached some level of awareness, but the other person may not have because he doesn’t know how to recognize and handle his suffering and get out of his current situation. He suffers, he makes himself and the people around him suffer.
As soon as we see this, we have another way of looking at him. We see the suffering in him and we can see that he doesn’t know how to handle his suffering. When we’re able to see the suffering in him and see his situation, compassion arises. When compassion arises, anger is transformed. We will not act in the direction of punishment, because we have no more anger.
This is the intervention of insight. We can be saved by our insight because it helps us to correct our wrong perceptions. When wrong perceptions are no longer there, anger, fear, and despair are no longer there. Instead, we have compassion and the willingness to help.
Nhat Hanh teaches us not to let the ghosts of the past take over. We often believe that unfortunate events in the past prevent us from being happy in the present. However, the past is not real. Only the present moment has life. When we become preoccupied with thoughts and fears about the past or future, we lose sight of the wonders and opportunities that exist in the present moment.
Reconciliation is possible if we cultivate understanding and practice mindfulness. We can see the suffering in ourselves and others. We recognize incorrect perceptions that fuel resentment. We stop blaming and start helping, driven by goodwill rather than a desire to punish. This provides immediate peace before we even act.
Mindfulness helps us become aware of our thoughts, feelings, and actions, allowing us to see the interconnectedness of our existence with the universe. This awareness leads to a deeper understanding of our place in the cosmos, fostering compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others.
When we look deep inside consciously, anger transforms into compassion. Nhat Hanh uses the example of a son who is angry with his father for being too authoritative toward him. It's tempting to blame and punish the father. However, deep introspection reveals that he did not understand how to love skillfully.
Reconciliation involves expanding our hearts. Overcoming dualistic thinking, or the division of self and other is necessary for reconciliation. We should cultivate four qualities for an immeasurable heart: loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. Our hearts grow until they are immeasurable, embracing all beings, including those who have harmed us.
Nhat Hanh uses the analogy of putting dirt in a water glass versus a massive river. The glass becomes undrinkable. But the river is so large that the dirt does not pollute it. Similarly, when our hearts are small, we cannot bear the pain caused by others. However, with an open, expanded heart, we can accept suffering without being affected by it.
Reconciliation does not depend on the actions of others. Even if someone has died or refused to communicate, we can forgive ourselves. As Nhat Hanh wrote, "Reconciliation is still possible. Because reconciliation demands resolving internal conflicts to restore peace."
When we reconcile internally, it radiates outwards. We can send a heartfelt letter to someone who has passed away. The act of writing with sincerity heals us on the inside, even if the recipient cannot read it.
We can embrace love and overcome separation when we come to understand that we are one with the universe. Reconciliation is always possible when one has a clear vision and an open heart. We must search deeply to alter habit energies and end the vicious cycles of resentment and blame that bring about so much suffering.
When I read this book, especially the abovementioned chapter, my mind started racing, thinking of several names I must reconcile with. I’m sure you, too, have a long list. I have started being one with the universe. You should, too.
Like Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”